I want to send a message to my younger self, specifically to June 13, 2013—the day my father left us for good. I was 24 at the time, and on that date, I was forced to take on responsibilities that felt much heavier than my age. I had to care for my mother and my three younger sisters, stepping into the role of a father figure for my sisters, as two of them were still in school and not even teenagers. They deserved to have someone to look up to, and that became my responsibility.

Now, eleven years later, I have learned a lot. I’ve figured out how to take on the role of an “elderly man”—not just an adult, but someone who is wise, patient, and capable of managing anger, finances, and communication effectively. I’ve broken what I’ve learned into three key messages that I hope to share with my 24-year-old self.

Part 1: Take Care of Your Body

Believe me, taking care of your body is essential for your health. When you’re healthy, you have a clear mind, which helps you avoid unnecessary anger, stress, and overthinking. Yes, you’ve been told to diet, be mindful of your food, and exercise, but I understand that you’re tired of hearing that advice. You may not know where to start or which diet or exercise will work for you. 

From my 35-year-old perspective, I recommend starting with weight lifting and cardio. And by cardio, I don’t mean running—just walking will do. At some point, you will run every morning at 5 AM, and you still won’t see the results you want. That’s because you need to train your muscles as well. Aim for simple cardio—30 to 60 minutes of walking, 2 to 3 times a week. For weight lifting, consider buying a pair of adjustable dumbbells so you can increase the weight over time and then do a weight lifting workout 3 days a week. Trust me, you will come to love this kind of exercise. 

I know you’ll eventually try high-intensity interval training (HIIT), but it may not help you lose body fat effectively. Strength training is important for burning calories and sugar. You will become addicted to weightlifting and cardio—just like I am now! 

As for your diet, be mindful of what you eat. Don’t consume everything that looks appetizing. Focus on healthy foods with lower carbohydrates—remember, less carb, not no carb, since your brain needs glucose for basic functions. Prioritize protein; it helps rebuild your muscles, which, in turn, will help you burn sugar more efficiently. Incorporate enough fiber by eating vegetables and fruits. 

Make yourself stick to this routine. At first, it may feel difficult, but if you remain consistent for 30 days, I guarantee you’ll see immediate results, and you will continue eating healthily and exercising five days a week. It’s okay to have a cheat day now and then (I know how much you love burgers), but make healthy eating your priority most of the time.

Take care of your body, because I know there will come a time when you’ll feel weak, your knees will hurt, and you’ll get sick easily. That’s tough because being sick means you can’t protect your mother and sisters, which would disappoint your father. The most important message from him was, “Take care of your mother and your sisters; that’s why you have a strong body—to protect them.” If you’re sick, who will protect them? Take care of your body!

Part 2: Everything is Gonna Be Okay

I don’t want to scare you, but I need to warn you: as you learn to handle all of your responsibilities, your life will be overwhelmed by challenges—storms, thunder, hurricanes, and even earthquakes. You will hear shocking news that may make you question everything: “What did I do wrong? I just want to care for my family. Why is this happening to me?” You may even ask, “God, what do you want me to do?”

Life will test your patience, anger, and mental strength. Can you handle these situations without losing your temper? Can you respond with patience? Can you think clearly? I know it sounds easier said than done. That’s why I emphasized exercise earlier; discipline in exercising will train not only your body but also your mind and emotions.

You don’t have to solve all these problems alone. Communicate with your family—your mother and sisters. They are there to help. Reach out to your friends; talk to B—they will always support you. Connect with your father’s friends; they want to help your family. In the end, everything will be okay.

Part 03: You Will Fall in Love Again

I know the future seems scary for you, especially after reading this message. I haven’t mentioned the pandemic yet; maybe I’ll talk about that another time. Right now, I want you to hear this: you will fall in love again. 

I know you haven’t had much success with love and relationships. You will face three of the biggest heartbreaks of your life. Sounds crazy, right? Well, now you can prepare for it. You may come to terms with one of those moments, but the other two will be particularly traumatizing. There will come a time when you feel like giving up on love entirely. You won’t want to date anyone or meet new women; you’ll be exhausted by it all. But trust me on this—you will find love again when the time is right, with the right person. Just like Pandji’s second album title says, “You’ll never know when someone comes in and presses play on your paused life.” That’s exactly what will happen to you.

You will experience the beauty of falling in love again and cherish those moments. However, it’s important to note that you will have to go through those three significant heartbreaks first. You can’t truly appreciate the sweetness of love without experiencing some bitterness along the way. The love you find later will be even more beautiful than those prior moments. 

As I write this, I’m smiling. Yes, you will cry a lot and doubt yourself. It hurts when two people who knew each other suddenly become strangers. But remember, you always have a place to talk—especially with your cousin, B. So my advice is to just enjoy the journey. Take care of yourself; women love men who take care of themselves. Wear nice shirts and pants, use cologne, get a haircut, and work on getting into better shape. You’ll learn all of this through the process, and it will motivate you to become a better version of yourself. 

Oh, and one more thing: don’t listen to any advice from the so-called “dating gurus” out there. They’re not worth your time! It’s your life; only you know what you should do, so trust your instincts. You’ve got this, bro.

Lastly, you’ll grow a beard, and you’ll look great with it—seriously, you look amazing! So keep it and don’t shave!

These are the messages I would give to my younger self. I don’t need to remind him to learn new skills; he already loves reading at this age. But these three things are crucial for him to navigate life without his father. He just needs guidance from someone who has learned a lot and knows what it feels like to grow up without a father.

I love you, bro.